1 00:00:02,540 --> 00:00:04,034 Happy Birthday, Dad! 2 00:00:04,058 --> 00:00:05,848 Aww. Thanks, guys. 3 00:00:07,558 --> 00:00:09,097 "Happy 80th Birthday." 4 00:00:09,098 --> 00:00:10,467 Anna-Kat, that's not my age. 5 00:00:10,468 --> 00:00:12,177 Seemed like a reasonable guess. 6 00:00:12,178 --> 00:00:13,807 And why is the tiger on the card attacking me? 7 00:00:13,808 --> 00:00:14,967 So many notes. 8 00:00:14,968 --> 00:00:17,204 Do you want the card or not? 9 00:00:17,228 --> 00:00:19,267 And this is from me. 10 00:00:19,268 --> 00:00:22,387 99 shares of CincoNext. 11 00:00:22,388 --> 00:00:23,637 They're doing some really incredible things 12 00:00:23,638 --> 00:00:24,927 in the biotech space. 13 00:00:24,928 --> 00:00:26,347 Each share trades at a penny, 14 00:00:26,348 --> 00:00:27,927 but over time, they could be worth millions. 15 00:00:27,928 --> 00:00:28,728 Or nothing. 16 00:00:28,729 --> 00:00:30,557 Or millions. 17 00:00:30,558 --> 00:00:31,767 Happy Birthday, Dad! 18 00:00:31,768 --> 00:00:33,177 Aww. 19 00:00:33,178 --> 00:00:34,677 It's a coupon for one clean room. 20 00:00:34,678 --> 00:00:36,057 Hm. 21 00:00:36,058 --> 00:00:38,227 I'm 9 years old. What's your excuse? 22 00:00:38,228 --> 00:00:41,267 What? Dad's always riding me to clean my room, so now I will. 23 00:00:41,268 --> 00:00:43,735 Actually, I love it, and I'm cashing it in now. 24 00:00:43,759 --> 00:00:44,767 Go clean your room. 25 00:00:44,768 --> 00:00:47,609 Damn. I was really banking on you losing the coupon. 26 00:00:47,633 --> 00:00:50,542 Three kids with three gifts all coming in under $1. 27 00:00:50,543 --> 00:00:52,809 So what? Where's your gift? 28 00:00:52,833 --> 00:00:55,172 - Mom forgot! - No, I didn't! 29 00:00:55,173 --> 00:00:57,752 I would never, ever forget my husband's birthday. 30 00:00:57,753 --> 00:00:59,274 Okay, I did! 31 00:00:59,298 --> 00:01:01,292 Now lash out at the kids to draw attention away from it. 32 00:01:01,293 --> 00:01:02,672 It is your father's birthday, 33 00:01:02,673 --> 00:01:04,212 and you're not even making him breakfast?! 34 00:01:04,213 --> 00:01:06,002 - All right! Okay. - Okay. 35 00:01:06,003 --> 00:01:07,372 Who raised you?! 36 00:01:07,373 --> 00:01:08,833 Don't answer that! 37 00:01:10,793 --> 00:01:12,922 I have your present, but I can't give it to you yet 38 00:01:12,923 --> 00:01:14,422 because it's a surprise. 39 00:01:14,423 --> 00:01:15,582 For tonight. 40 00:01:15,583 --> 00:01:16,832 - I knew it. - Mm-hmm. 41 00:01:16,833 --> 00:01:18,602 You're throwing me the birthday dinner party 42 00:01:18,626 --> 00:01:20,649 you've always promised me! 43 00:01:20,673 --> 00:01:23,872 Yeah, buddy! How'd you know?! 44 00:01:23,873 --> 00:01:25,422 Finally, an adult dinner party. 45 00:01:25,423 --> 00:01:27,082 - Nay... a salon, - Mm. 46 00:01:27,083 --> 00:01:29,873 where we discuss art and wear scarves indoors! 47 00:01:33,633 --> 00:01:36,091 I've been asking for years, and now we're doing it! 48 00:01:36,673 --> 00:01:39,332 Now, only question left is... 49 00:01:39,333 --> 00:01:40,672 which scarf should I wear? 50 00:01:40,673 --> 00:01:42,212 The real question is, 51 00:01:42,213 --> 00:01:43,808 which scarf should I hang myself with? 52 00:01:43,832 --> 00:01:46,637 Synced and corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com 53 00:01:49,526 --> 00:01:51,238 Guys, I messed up. 54 00:01:51,262 --> 00:01:53,011 I forgot Greg's birthday. 55 00:01:53,012 --> 00:01:54,851 Ohh! That's bad. 56 00:01:54,852 --> 00:01:56,051 I did the same thing to Celeste, 57 00:01:56,052 --> 00:01:57,891 and that pretty much led to our divorce. 58 00:01:57,892 --> 00:02:00,115 Well, that and all the other women you slept with 59 00:02:00,139 --> 00:02:01,141 who weren't your wife. 60 00:02:01,142 --> 00:02:03,551 Hey, she knew I was an Aries when she married me. 61 00:02:03,552 --> 00:02:04,971 Oh, my God, what a great defense. 62 00:02:04,972 --> 00:02:06,972 - Did you use that in court? - I did. 63 00:02:06,973 --> 00:02:08,351 But the judge was a Capricorn, so... 64 00:02:08,352 --> 00:02:09,851 Oh, my gosh. I'm so sorry. 65 00:02:09,852 --> 00:02:11,221 No hablo cuckoo. 66 00:02:11,222 --> 00:02:13,221 So, what's happening with Greg? 67 00:02:13,222 --> 00:02:15,011 I lied to him about forgetting his birthday, 68 00:02:15,012 --> 00:02:16,681 so now I have to throw him a dinner party. 69 00:02:16,682 --> 00:02:17,682 Can you two make it? 70 00:02:17,683 --> 00:02:19,221 Ah! Richard and I will be there. 71 00:02:19,222 --> 00:02:21,416 Anything to get away from the kids. 72 00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:23,931 "Mom! Play board games with us!" 73 00:02:23,932 --> 00:02:25,719 I swear it's like they don't even know me. 74 00:02:25,743 --> 00:02:26,750 I'm in, too. 75 00:02:26,774 --> 00:02:28,101 Mind if I bring my new girlfriend? 76 00:02:28,102 --> 00:02:30,051 Her name is Crissy, she's a therapist, 77 00:02:30,052 --> 00:02:31,812 and I honestly think she could be the one. 78 00:02:35,052 --> 00:02:36,851 Are you on Tinder right now? 79 00:02:36,852 --> 00:02:38,051 Wh... I'm just browsing. 80 00:02:38,052 --> 00:02:39,431 Oh, God. 81 00:02:44,722 --> 00:02:46,811 Are you sure you didn't forget Dad's birthday? 82 00:02:46,812 --> 00:02:48,471 'Cause this all seems very last-minute. 83 00:02:48,472 --> 00:02:50,311 The caterers, which I ordered weeks ago, 84 00:02:50,312 --> 00:02:51,811 canceled on me this morning. 85 00:02:51,812 --> 00:02:54,395 Anyone not believe that? Huh?! 86 00:02:54,432 --> 00:02:56,198 Anyone? 87 00:02:56,222 --> 00:02:57,471 That's what I thought. 88 00:02:57,472 --> 00:02:59,471 Now, tonight is an adult night, 89 00:02:59,472 --> 00:03:01,891 so that means you are all going upstairs 90 00:03:01,892 --> 00:03:04,431 and staying there till morning. 91 00:03:04,432 --> 00:03:05,931 But what if there's an earthquake 92 00:03:05,932 --> 00:03:08,681 or a rapture or an AI singularity? 93 00:03:08,682 --> 00:03:10,431 You are only allowed to come down 94 00:03:10,432 --> 00:03:13,181 if there's visible blood... active bleeding. 95 00:03:13,182 --> 00:03:14,762 You got to fill this cup above the line. 96 00:03:15,852 --> 00:03:18,311 All right! Everybody upstairs! 97 00:03:21,182 --> 00:03:22,551 Remember to clean your room for Dad. 98 00:03:22,552 --> 00:03:24,761 I was going to! God! 99 00:03:26,682 --> 00:03:28,811 What is that thing where you've been asleep 100 00:03:28,812 --> 00:03:30,101 and you wake up years later 101 00:03:30,102 --> 00:03:31,971 and all of your kids are grown up 102 00:03:31,972 --> 00:03:33,181 and you've lost all that time? 103 00:03:33,182 --> 00:03:34,182 A coma? 104 00:03:34,183 --> 00:03:35,812 A coma. 105 00:03:37,642 --> 00:03:40,051 - I'm ready for my salon! - Great! 106 00:03:40,052 --> 00:03:42,141 Because Doris and Angela are going to be here any second. 107 00:03:42,142 --> 00:03:44,811 Doris and Angela? That's my salon? 108 00:03:44,812 --> 00:03:46,351 Who am I gonna have intellectual debates with? 109 00:03:46,352 --> 00:03:47,811 Angela is well-read. 110 00:03:47,812 --> 00:03:49,221 She belongs to a lesbian book club. 111 00:03:49,222 --> 00:03:50,681 She doesn't let me come 112 00:03:50,682 --> 00:03:52,851 because she thinks I'm going to make fun of their haircuts. 113 00:03:52,852 --> 00:03:54,971 But they know it's not a normal dinner party, right? 114 00:03:54,972 --> 00:03:56,221 Because I'm reading a poem! 115 00:04:00,052 --> 00:04:01,311 Hey, real quick... if Doris asks you 116 00:04:01,312 --> 00:04:02,811 why we couldn't go to dinner last week, 117 00:04:02,812 --> 00:04:04,471 it was because of your hernia surgery. 118 00:04:04,472 --> 00:04:05,851 Got it? Great. 119 00:04:05,852 --> 00:04:07,511 I didn't have a hernia. Why did you lie to Doris? 120 00:04:07,512 --> 00:04:08,891 I can't tell her the truth. 121 00:04:08,892 --> 00:04:11,091 Dinners at her house are the worst! 122 00:04:11,116 --> 00:04:13,177 Richard is either on the phone or talking about his commute, 123 00:04:13,202 --> 00:04:16,351 - and Doris hits on you the entire time. - No, she doesn't. 124 00:04:16,352 --> 00:04:17,888 Why'd you have to go give me a hernia? 125 00:04:17,913 --> 00:04:18,931 I don't know! 126 00:04:18,932 --> 00:04:20,391 She sprang the invitation on me. 127 00:04:20,392 --> 00:04:21,657 How am I supposed to keep up this lie? 128 00:04:21,682 --> 00:04:23,851 Just don't mention it. And don't lift anything heavy. 129 00:04:23,852 --> 00:04:25,431 This is so stupid. 130 00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:27,141 You know I hate it when you put me in these situations. 131 00:04:27,142 --> 00:04:28,761 How am I supposed to act like I have a hernia? 132 00:04:28,762 --> 00:04:29,762 This'll help. 133 00:04:30,972 --> 00:04:32,891 Hi! 134 00:04:32,892 --> 00:04:34,552 Happy birthday, Greg! 135 00:04:34,577 --> 00:04:36,192 - Hi, everyone! - Happy birthday! 136 00:04:36,217 --> 00:04:37,601 Hi. 137 00:04:37,602 --> 00:04:39,435 - Have we been here long enough? - Shut up! 138 00:04:39,460 --> 00:04:41,261 Welcome! Let me take your coats. 139 00:04:41,262 --> 00:04:43,311 - Oh! I'm so glad we could come. - Thank you. 140 00:04:43,312 --> 00:04:44,642 Good. 141 00:04:45,993 --> 00:04:47,102 Hernia! 142 00:04:49,052 --> 00:04:50,351 I have a hernia. 143 00:04:50,352 --> 00:04:52,953 His nether regions are still quite blown out. 144 00:04:52,978 --> 00:04:54,154 Mm. 145 00:04:54,682 --> 00:04:56,721 Okay, OCD girl, have at it. 146 00:04:56,722 --> 00:04:58,435 Halloween, Christmas... 147 00:04:58,472 --> 00:05:00,641 this. 148 00:05:00,642 --> 00:05:02,101 Can I borrow your phone charger? 149 00:05:02,102 --> 00:05:03,932 Sure, if you can find it. 150 00:05:09,852 --> 00:05:11,257 This is disgusting. 151 00:05:11,282 --> 00:05:12,569 My bib jersey! 152 00:05:12,594 --> 00:05:13,999 I've been looking everywhere for that! 153 00:05:14,024 --> 00:05:15,991 - Your what? - My bib jersey. 154 00:05:15,992 --> 00:05:17,821 Whenever I eat something greasy in my room, 155 00:05:17,822 --> 00:05:19,726 I put on a jersey to protect my clothes. 156 00:05:19,751 --> 00:05:20,791 Genius, right? 157 00:05:21,912 --> 00:05:23,611 I fear for your future. 158 00:05:23,612 --> 00:05:24,991 Aah! 159 00:05:24,992 --> 00:05:26,741 I can't believe I touched your bib jersey! 160 00:05:26,742 --> 00:05:29,201 And there's nothing clean enough in here to wipe my hands on! 161 00:05:29,202 --> 00:05:31,127 Don't worry... it's covered in so much old food, 162 00:05:31,152 --> 00:05:32,491 there's no way you touched fabric. 163 00:05:32,492 --> 00:05:34,502 You should be in prison. 164 00:05:34,527 --> 00:05:35,701 Uh, guys? 165 00:05:35,726 --> 00:05:37,841 The room is on fire. 166 00:05:41,242 --> 00:05:43,020 Uh, Mom? 167 00:05:43,045 --> 00:05:44,840 Visible... blood! 168 00:05:44,865 --> 00:05:46,451 'Kay. 169 00:05:50,532 --> 00:05:52,872 So, Richard, how are things? 170 00:06:00,742 --> 00:06:04,072 So, Crissy, Angela tells me that you are a therapist. 171 00:06:04,097 --> 00:06:05,119 How do you like it? 172 00:06:05,144 --> 00:06:06,353 I think the better question is, 173 00:06:06,354 --> 00:06:07,995 how do you like being a mother? 174 00:06:11,064 --> 00:06:13,104 So, Richard, whatcha typing? 175 00:06:15,224 --> 00:06:16,353 Nothing? 176 00:06:16,354 --> 00:06:18,313 All right. 177 00:06:18,314 --> 00:06:19,523 What are we going to do? 178 00:06:19,524 --> 00:06:21,853 Mom and Dad are going to kill us! 179 00:06:21,854 --> 00:06:23,490 Well, Dad's gonna lecture us, 180 00:06:23,515 --> 00:06:26,570 and then Mom's gonna take the doors off all our rooms. 181 00:06:26,604 --> 00:06:28,393 That'd be really bad for you, Oliver. 182 00:06:28,394 --> 00:06:30,223 I have nothing to hide. 183 00:06:30,224 --> 00:06:33,566 But, at the same time, we do need to cover this up, 184 00:06:33,591 --> 00:06:36,183 and the only way we're gonna do that is if we stick together. 185 00:06:36,184 --> 00:06:39,983 Like this slice of pizza attached to Taylor's math book? 186 00:06:39,984 --> 00:06:42,434 That's why third period is so confusing! 187 00:06:44,684 --> 00:06:47,523 - Oh. Your hand is so big. - Thanks. 188 00:06:47,524 --> 00:06:48,773 I feel very safe right now. 189 00:06:48,774 --> 00:06:49,983 I'm so glad. 190 00:06:49,984 --> 00:06:52,144 - Doris, let's compare hands. - Oh! 191 00:06:52,145 --> 00:06:53,183 Ow! 192 00:06:53,184 --> 00:06:54,603 Knock it off! 193 00:06:54,604 --> 00:06:57,433 Oh, God. Greg is going for one of his skinny poetry books. 194 00:06:57,434 --> 00:06:58,983 Those are the worst kinds. 195 00:06:58,984 --> 00:06:59,894 Who's in the mood for a sonnet? 196 00:06:59,894 --> 00:07:00,814 - No. - Almost. 197 00:07:00,815 --> 00:07:02,183 Changing subject. 198 00:07:02,184 --> 00:07:04,933 So, Greg, you seem to be recovering nicely. 199 00:07:04,934 --> 00:07:06,143 Recovering? 200 00:07:06,144 --> 00:07:08,813 From the hernia surgery... 201 00:07:08,814 --> 00:07:10,183 that you had. 202 00:07:10,184 --> 00:07:11,853 Oh, yes. Well, the procedure went smoothly. 203 00:07:11,878 --> 00:07:12,871 It was no big deal. 204 00:07:12,896 --> 00:07:15,009 Katie said it was a very big deal, with a lot of complications. 205 00:07:16,854 --> 00:07:18,223 Oh... yeah. 206 00:07:18,224 --> 00:07:20,183 It going smoothly actually was a complication 207 00:07:20,184 --> 00:07:21,933 because they expected it to be bad, 208 00:07:21,934 --> 00:07:23,723 but then when it looked like it was good, 209 00:07:23,724 --> 00:07:25,183 it threw everyone off, and... 210 00:07:25,184 --> 00:07:27,789 because they were like, "Aah! Why isn't this going bad?" 211 00:07:27,814 --> 00:07:29,183 And then, um... 212 00:07:29,184 --> 00:07:31,338 I started bleeding out of my... butt. 213 00:07:32,484 --> 00:07:33,684 I'll get that. 214 00:07:38,524 --> 00:07:39,644 Mmm. 215 00:07:41,389 --> 00:07:43,178 What? 216 00:07:43,179 --> 00:07:45,298 How are you carrying that if you just had hernia surgery? 217 00:07:45,299 --> 00:07:47,008 Oh, these... 218 00:07:47,009 --> 00:07:49,758 darn pain meds give me a false sense of strength. 219 00:07:49,759 --> 00:07:51,838 I hope I'm not bleeding from my butt again. 220 00:07:51,839 --> 00:07:53,678 What's going on?! 221 00:07:53,679 --> 00:07:54,718 Okay. 222 00:07:54,719 --> 00:07:55,838 We lied. 223 00:07:55,839 --> 00:07:57,758 Greg didn't have hernia surgery. 224 00:07:57,759 --> 00:08:00,178 They're our friends. We should tell them the truth. 225 00:08:00,179 --> 00:08:01,838 Yes, thank you. 226 00:08:01,839 --> 00:08:05,798 The real reason that we couldn't go to dinner last week is... 227 00:08:07,469 --> 00:08:08,889 ...Greg and I were in couples therapy. 228 00:08:09,839 --> 00:08:11,838 Our marriage is not great. 229 00:08:21,049 --> 00:08:23,298 So, you two are in couples therapy? 230 00:08:23,299 --> 00:08:25,548 She's not being nosy. That's a professional question. 231 00:08:25,549 --> 00:08:28,388 - She's a doctor. - I'm not a doctor. 232 00:08:28,389 --> 00:08:30,178 I'm a psychologist. 233 00:08:30,179 --> 00:08:32,218 But she knows how to play doctor. 234 00:08:34,099 --> 00:08:35,718 Now can we go? 235 00:08:35,719 --> 00:08:37,838 Richard, pretend to go to the bathroom 236 00:08:37,839 --> 00:08:39,889 and play on your phone, like you do at home. 237 00:08:42,299 --> 00:08:44,838 Our marriage has been in trouble for quite some time. 238 00:08:44,839 --> 00:08:47,468 I know... it's shocking. 239 00:08:47,469 --> 00:08:49,138 - Is it? - Makes sense to me. 240 00:08:49,139 --> 00:08:51,428 Okay. Please take your seats for dinner. 241 00:08:51,429 --> 00:08:53,468 Katie, if I could talk to you for a second? 242 00:08:53,469 --> 00:08:57,008 We're gonna go talk about our terrible marriage. 243 00:08:59,639 --> 00:09:01,968 So, that's coming clean to your friends? Just another lie? 244 00:09:01,969 --> 00:09:03,258 I had to! 245 00:09:03,259 --> 00:09:05,218 You couldn't fake a hernia, so I had to pivot! 246 00:09:05,219 --> 00:09:06,638 Well, now everyone thinks our marriage is in trouble. 247 00:09:06,639 --> 00:09:08,008 But it's not! 248 00:09:08,009 --> 00:09:09,758 You understand how lying works, right? 249 00:09:09,759 --> 00:09:11,258 But everyone bought it so easily. 250 00:09:11,259 --> 00:09:12,428 No one was like, "Whaaaat?!" 251 00:09:12,429 --> 00:09:13,798 I wanted a "Whaaaat?!" 252 00:09:13,799 --> 00:09:15,928 Couples therapy is the perfect lie. 253 00:09:15,929 --> 00:09:18,928 It's personal, so no one will ask any follow-up questions. 254 00:09:18,929 --> 00:09:20,008 I don't like it one bit. 255 00:09:20,009 --> 00:09:21,508 We won, Greg! 256 00:09:21,509 --> 00:09:23,429 Take the win! Enjoy it! 257 00:09:25,139 --> 00:09:28,218 And remember, we need to fake like we're in a rough patch. 258 00:09:28,219 --> 00:09:30,598 Don't find me as delightful as you usually do. 259 00:09:30,599 --> 00:09:32,258 That won't be hard. 260 00:09:35,889 --> 00:09:38,008 Guys, I'm not trying to be cocky, 261 00:09:38,009 --> 00:09:39,468 but I think we did it. 262 00:09:39,469 --> 00:09:41,048 Yeah, great job, Taylor. 263 00:09:41,049 --> 00:09:42,508 But I also went and got this from the attic 264 00:09:42,509 --> 00:09:43,798 so we can paint over it. 265 00:09:43,799 --> 00:09:46,388 Now we just need a screwdriver to open the can. 266 00:09:46,389 --> 00:09:47,888 I'll just go downstairs and grab one. 267 00:09:47,889 --> 00:09:49,718 But Mom told us to stay up here. 268 00:09:49,719 --> 00:09:52,139 Trust me... she won't even notice. 269 00:09:54,599 --> 00:09:56,678 Visible blood! 270 00:09:56,679 --> 00:09:57,719 'Kay. 271 00:10:00,057 --> 00:10:01,572 Okay! 272 00:10:01,597 --> 00:10:02,961 Um, we're gonna have to open the paint can 273 00:10:02,986 --> 00:10:04,004 with whatever's in here. 274 00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:06,072 Nope. 275 00:10:07,655 --> 00:10:08,705 Nope. 276 00:10:09,759 --> 00:10:10,928 Nope. 277 00:10:10,929 --> 00:10:13,321 I'm all out of pencils. I give up. 278 00:10:15,099 --> 00:10:16,970 Come on, Buttercup. 279 00:10:16,995 --> 00:10:18,454 Use those chompers. 280 00:10:19,759 --> 00:10:22,798 That's it. You've embarrassed me in front of my family. 281 00:10:22,799 --> 00:10:25,120 Tonight, you're sleeping with the LEGOs. 282 00:10:28,929 --> 00:10:30,799 And that's how it's done, people. 283 00:10:32,839 --> 00:10:34,389 Oh, no! 284 00:10:35,639 --> 00:10:37,638 Just so you know, what you two are doing is really healthy. 285 00:10:37,639 --> 00:10:38,968 Thanks, but honestly, 286 00:10:38,969 --> 00:10:40,450 Katie and I have never been better. 287 00:10:40,475 --> 00:10:42,174 The whole therapy thing is just preventative... 288 00:10:42,199 --> 00:10:43,598 like ant traps. 289 00:10:43,599 --> 00:10:45,869 That's a fun topic. Let's talk about ants. 290 00:10:45,894 --> 00:10:48,338 Did you know they can lift 30 times their body weight? 291 00:10:48,339 --> 00:10:50,860 Greg, look, there's no shame in therapy, okay? 292 00:10:50,885 --> 00:10:52,735 Some of the most prominent people in Westport see me. 293 00:10:52,760 --> 00:10:54,888 I mean, should the Mayor be ashamed of his sessions? 294 00:10:54,889 --> 00:10:57,534 Isn't that a breach of client confidentiality? 295 00:10:59,009 --> 00:11:00,639 Shoot. 296 00:11:02,549 --> 00:11:04,468 Don't be hard on yourself, Greg. 297 00:11:04,469 --> 00:11:06,672 Any man would've been worn down by now. 298 00:11:06,697 --> 00:11:08,178 - We totally get it. - Yeah. 299 00:11:08,179 --> 00:11:11,604 I'm sorry, but what exactly do you totally get? 300 00:11:11,629 --> 00:11:13,541 Do you two think that I am the reason 301 00:11:13,566 --> 00:11:14,627 that we're in therapy? 302 00:11:14,652 --> 00:11:16,098 - Katie! - Katie! 303 00:11:16,099 --> 00:11:18,838 Greg, tell them that is not the case. 304 00:11:18,863 --> 00:11:21,178 - It's... the case. - Mm. 305 00:11:21,179 --> 00:11:23,008 Can I talk to you in your office for a second? 306 00:11:23,009 --> 00:11:25,546 We're gonna continue to talk about our terrible marriage 307 00:11:25,571 --> 00:11:26,691 and how it's her fault. 308 00:11:28,227 --> 00:11:29,516 Poor Greg. 309 00:11:29,541 --> 00:11:31,290 Oh, I hate to see them like this, 310 00:11:31,291 --> 00:11:33,290 but I love to watch him walk away. 311 00:11:34,371 --> 00:11:36,160 Mnh. 312 00:11:36,161 --> 00:11:37,392 "Poor Greg"? 313 00:11:37,417 --> 00:11:38,978 It should be "Poor Katie"! 314 00:11:39,003 --> 00:11:41,307 We won, Katie. Take the win. 315 00:11:41,332 --> 00:11:43,790 - Enjoy it! - You like this. 316 00:11:43,791 --> 00:11:46,410 - This is a little victory for you. - Mm-hmm. 317 00:11:46,411 --> 00:11:47,540 Have your fun, 318 00:11:47,541 --> 00:11:49,870 but I just can't stand that they're judging me. 319 00:11:49,871 --> 00:11:51,427 Doris is terrible to Richard, 320 00:11:51,452 --> 00:11:54,028 and Angela can't stay in a relationship to save her life. 321 00:11:54,053 --> 00:11:55,060 If we tell the truth now, 322 00:11:55,085 --> 00:11:56,239 everyone is gonna think we're crazy. 323 00:11:56,264 --> 00:11:58,580 You started this lie. Now let's see it through. 324 00:11:58,581 --> 00:12:00,040 Fine! 325 00:12:00,041 --> 00:12:01,798 And don't forget to be extra abusive to me 326 00:12:01,823 --> 00:12:03,728 so everyone knows that our marital problems are your fault. 327 00:12:03,753 --> 00:12:05,290 That won't be a problem. 328 00:12:10,451 --> 00:12:11,784 It says to blot. 329 00:12:11,809 --> 00:12:14,630 Don't rub, or you'll make the stain worse. 330 00:12:15,585 --> 00:12:17,664 - Can you help, please? - One sec. 331 00:12:17,689 --> 00:12:20,451 I'm trying to get this paint off my Nordstrom's not Rack shirt. 332 00:12:21,447 --> 00:12:23,163 There! It's ruined! 333 00:12:23,188 --> 00:12:24,219 Now help! 334 00:12:24,253 --> 00:12:25,383 Well, let's see how you like it! 335 00:12:27,218 --> 00:12:29,845 Joke's on you. These are my bib pants! 336 00:12:32,081 --> 00:12:33,438 Guys! 337 00:12:34,765 --> 00:12:36,092 Holy [bleep]! 338 00:12:36,117 --> 00:12:37,870 Oh, my God. It went through the wall. What do we do now? 339 00:12:37,895 --> 00:12:40,609 First, we watch our language. 340 00:12:43,001 --> 00:12:45,574 The drive is just the first leg. 341 00:12:45,599 --> 00:12:47,330 Next up is the train. 342 00:12:47,331 --> 00:12:50,410 If I catch the 7:21, 343 00:12:50,411 --> 00:12:53,540 I get into the city at 8:28. 344 00:12:53,541 --> 00:12:56,223 But if I catch the 7:26, 345 00:12:56,248 --> 00:12:58,575 I get there at 8:45. 346 00:12:58,600 --> 00:13:00,497 Please... tell us more. 347 00:13:00,522 --> 00:13:02,210 Unh-unh. Stop punishing us 348 00:13:02,211 --> 00:13:04,120 by encouraging Richard to talk about his commute. 349 00:13:04,121 --> 00:13:06,210 All we said was that therapy was a good thing! 350 00:13:06,235 --> 00:13:07,672 And that I'm the problem. 351 00:13:07,727 --> 00:13:09,655 Right! You get it! 352 00:13:09,680 --> 00:13:11,593 Just so you know, you two are the ones 353 00:13:11,618 --> 00:13:13,179 who should be in couples therapy. 354 00:13:13,204 --> 00:13:15,370 You can't keep your muskrat in its cage! 355 00:13:15,417 --> 00:13:17,206 What does that mean? 356 00:13:17,207 --> 00:13:18,826 You are so pretty. 357 00:13:18,827 --> 00:13:21,886 And you bag on your husband constantly! 358 00:13:22,497 --> 00:13:24,116 You talk about me? 359 00:13:24,117 --> 00:13:25,706 Aww. 360 00:13:25,707 --> 00:13:28,456 Okay, everyone, look. Katie is projecting. 361 00:13:28,457 --> 00:13:31,914 Sometimes we have pent-up anger, and we choose to lash out. 362 00:13:31,939 --> 00:13:32,976 No! 363 00:13:33,001 --> 00:13:35,286 This is not what this is. 364 00:13:35,287 --> 00:13:36,826 I lied. 365 00:13:36,827 --> 00:13:38,246 Greg and I aren't in therapy. 366 00:13:38,247 --> 00:13:39,416 I made the whole thing up 367 00:13:39,417 --> 00:13:40,960 just so I didn't have to tell you the truth. 368 00:13:40,985 --> 00:13:42,360 The real reason we canceled 369 00:13:42,385 --> 00:13:44,921 is because dinners at your house are the worst! 370 00:13:44,946 --> 00:13:47,632 Ah! I'll put any dinner at my house 371 00:13:47,657 --> 00:13:50,296 up against this garbage party full of poetry and lies! 372 00:13:50,321 --> 00:13:52,860 And I suppose you lied about Greg's ruptured colon 373 00:13:52,885 --> 00:13:54,786 to get out of going to that sound bath with me. 374 00:13:54,787 --> 00:13:56,656 Why are you always giving me medical problems? 375 00:13:56,657 --> 00:13:58,156 It's so easy to buy! 376 00:13:58,157 --> 00:13:59,689 You look disease-y, Greg. 377 00:13:59,714 --> 00:14:01,956 Okay, look, everybody calm down. 378 00:14:01,957 --> 00:14:03,036 You're right. 379 00:14:03,037 --> 00:14:04,956 And to put this in perspective, 380 00:14:04,957 --> 00:14:06,786 perhaps a poetry reading. 381 00:14:09,117 --> 00:14:11,996 I think Anne Sexton said it best... 382 00:14:11,997 --> 00:14:14,706 You think we're the only ones she lies to? 383 00:14:14,707 --> 00:14:16,656 - She forgot about your birthday. - What? 384 00:14:16,657 --> 00:14:19,821 And she threw this dinner party at the last second as a cover. 385 00:14:19,883 --> 00:14:20,928 I don't believe it. 386 00:14:20,953 --> 00:14:21,996 Yeah, I do. 387 00:14:21,997 --> 00:14:23,656 Come on, Richard. We're leaving. 388 00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:25,349 But it's finally fun! 389 00:14:25,404 --> 00:14:26,774 Crissy, let's go. 390 00:14:38,207 --> 00:14:41,326 You forgot my birthday and then lied about it. 391 00:14:41,327 --> 00:14:42,416 I did. 392 00:14:42,417 --> 00:14:44,203 But before you get too mad, remember... 393 00:14:44,250 --> 00:14:46,391 - your blood pressure is high. - Right. 394 00:14:46,416 --> 00:14:48,578 Wait, is it? I don't know what to believe anymore! 395 00:14:55,917 --> 00:14:57,656 I'm glad you decided to come. 396 00:14:57,657 --> 00:14:59,663 - We want to talk about last night. - Yeah. 397 00:14:59,688 --> 00:15:01,956 I'm confused. You have a breakfast at home, 398 00:15:01,957 --> 00:15:03,746 and then you come here for another breakfast? 399 00:15:03,747 --> 00:15:05,172 Why is he not getting this? 400 00:15:06,117 --> 00:15:08,286 The pretty ones are sometimes slow. 401 00:15:08,311 --> 00:15:09,892 Mnh. 402 00:15:09,917 --> 00:15:11,194 Let's get down to it. 403 00:15:11,219 --> 00:15:12,996 Katie needs to be stopped. 404 00:15:12,997 --> 00:15:15,496 I agree. Her lying has become a problem for all of us. 405 00:15:15,497 --> 00:15:18,656 She needs to be confronted, and my pal Crissy can help. 406 00:15:18,657 --> 00:15:20,790 Downgraded to "pal" already, huh? 407 00:15:20,815 --> 00:15:23,359 Yeah, well, I've been making eyes with the new waitress. 408 00:15:23,384 --> 00:15:26,032 She's... Oh. Nope. 409 00:15:26,057 --> 00:15:28,109 Nope, she's just putting in her contact lens. 410 00:15:28,134 --> 00:15:30,286 My girlfriend, Crissy, can help. 411 00:15:33,917 --> 00:15:37,132 I got your text. Where's James Van Der Beek? 412 00:15:37,157 --> 00:15:38,576 Not here. 413 00:15:38,577 --> 00:15:39,942 This is an intervention. 414 00:15:39,967 --> 00:15:42,114 I shaved above the knee for this? 415 00:15:42,139 --> 00:15:43,676 We're here to talk about your lying. 416 00:15:43,701 --> 00:15:44,656 I would love to, 417 00:15:44,657 --> 00:15:46,863 but I have to take Greg to his colonoscopy. 418 00:15:46,888 --> 00:15:48,245 You have a real problem. 419 00:15:49,849 --> 00:15:52,019 Katie, please have a seat. 420 00:15:55,957 --> 00:15:58,469 Your lying has caused a rift in your relationships, 421 00:15:58,494 --> 00:16:00,039 and you need to start telling the truth. 422 00:16:00,064 --> 00:16:02,036 Maybe you need to start telling the truth. 423 00:16:02,037 --> 00:16:05,076 - You're not licensed to do that. - Fine. 424 00:16:05,077 --> 00:16:07,076 Let's just get this over with. 425 00:16:07,077 --> 00:16:09,346 Okay. What are some of the lies 426 00:16:09,371 --> 00:16:12,319 that you've told Doris, Angela, and Greg? 427 00:16:12,344 --> 00:16:13,394 Okay. 428 00:16:14,617 --> 00:16:17,217 Doris, remember you gave me money 429 00:16:17,242 --> 00:16:19,420 to bet on red when I went to Foxwoods? 430 00:16:19,445 --> 00:16:21,037 I lied. You didn't lose. 431 00:16:21,062 --> 00:16:23,273 I spent the money on a giant daiquiri. 432 00:16:24,295 --> 00:16:27,271 Now, Doris, remember, what do we say? 433 00:16:28,242 --> 00:16:30,411 Thank you for your honesty. 434 00:16:30,412 --> 00:16:31,661 You're welcome. 435 00:16:31,662 --> 00:16:34,451 Angela, remember when you aligned my chakras 436 00:16:34,452 --> 00:16:37,201 and I told you it made me less aggravated with my kids? 437 00:16:37,202 --> 00:16:39,901 When I got home, I sat on Oliver. 438 00:16:41,042 --> 00:16:42,471 Thank you for your honesty. 439 00:16:43,832 --> 00:16:44,991 Greg, you know how I told you 440 00:16:44,992 --> 00:16:46,741 I stopped using veal in the meatloaf 441 00:16:46,742 --> 00:16:48,653 because you didn't want to eat little cows? 442 00:16:48,678 --> 00:16:50,919 - Don't say it. Don't say it. - Didn't stop. 443 00:16:50,944 --> 00:16:52,703 So sad. 444 00:16:52,704 --> 00:16:54,703 So tender. 445 00:16:54,704 --> 00:16:57,153 Katie, why are you lying? 446 00:16:57,154 --> 00:16:58,371 You don't seem like the kind of person 447 00:16:58,396 --> 00:16:59,582 who's afraid to tell the truth. 448 00:16:59,607 --> 00:17:01,823 No. I'm not. 449 00:17:01,824 --> 00:17:03,823 I can do some crowd work to prove it. 450 00:17:03,824 --> 00:17:05,613 Hey, you! Laptop! 451 00:17:05,614 --> 00:17:06,880 For the last month, 452 00:17:06,905 --> 00:17:08,783 I have read that screenplay over your shoulder, 453 00:17:08,784 --> 00:17:10,653 and it is terrible. 454 00:17:10,654 --> 00:17:12,823 If you're not afraid to tell the truth to a stranger, 455 00:17:12,824 --> 00:17:14,323 then why do you feel the need to lie to us, 456 00:17:14,324 --> 00:17:15,363 the people you love? 457 00:17:15,364 --> 00:17:18,422 I lie because I love you. 458 00:17:18,447 --> 00:17:21,573 - What? - I don't want to hurt your feelings. 459 00:17:21,574 --> 00:17:24,403 And I want to keep putting veal in my meatloaf. 460 00:17:24,404 --> 00:17:26,863 Katie, you told a lot of truths today. 461 00:17:26,864 --> 00:17:28,906 Are there any truths you haven't told yet? 462 00:17:30,404 --> 00:17:31,494 There are. 463 00:17:33,094 --> 00:17:36,883 Doris, I know I have told you that you're too harsh, 464 00:17:36,946 --> 00:17:38,695 but the truth is... 465 00:17:38,744 --> 00:17:41,635 you are the strongest person that I know. 466 00:17:42,614 --> 00:17:44,363 Thank you for your honesty. 467 00:17:44,364 --> 00:17:46,356 And, Angela, I know sometimes 468 00:17:46,434 --> 00:17:49,176 I make fun of you for being a softie... 469 00:17:49,244 --> 00:17:52,598 but you are the kindest person I've ever met. 470 00:17:52,947 --> 00:17:55,736 Thank you, Katie, for your honesty. 471 00:17:55,784 --> 00:17:59,118 And, Greg, the truth is... 472 00:17:59,204 --> 00:18:01,782 you are the best person that I know. 473 00:18:01,864 --> 00:18:03,508 Period. 474 00:18:03,574 --> 00:18:05,118 I love you. 475 00:18:05,154 --> 00:18:07,819 And I am so sorry that I forgot your birthday. 476 00:18:07,844 --> 00:18:08,844 That's okay. 477 00:18:08,869 --> 00:18:10,028 I love you, too. 478 00:18:11,896 --> 00:18:13,655 And while we're on this truth train, 479 00:18:13,704 --> 00:18:17,014 you seem like a nice person, so... 480 00:18:17,074 --> 00:18:19,324 - get out now. - Really? 481 00:18:20,606 --> 00:18:22,613 Are you gonna cheat on me? 482 00:18:23,312 --> 00:18:26,401 Girl, I don't know what you got going on today, 483 00:18:26,426 --> 00:18:28,703 but you are looking fine! 484 00:18:28,704 --> 00:18:29,903 Mm! 485 00:18:47,324 --> 00:18:48,703 If she didn't clean her room, 486 00:18:48,704 --> 00:18:49,993 you're going to read her poetry. 487 00:18:49,994 --> 00:18:51,790 Culture should not be a punishment. 488 00:18:51,815 --> 00:18:53,815 But it is. 489 00:18:54,814 --> 00:18:56,153 You ready to show me the room yet? 490 00:18:56,154 --> 00:18:57,444 Come on in! 491 00:18:58,614 --> 00:19:01,175 Anna-Kat, do you have any 6s? 492 00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:03,113 Sorry, Oliver. Go fish! 493 00:19:03,138 --> 00:19:04,427 Taylor? 494 00:19:04,428 --> 00:19:05,678 What did you do? 495 00:19:07,848 --> 00:19:10,177 You cleaned your room! 496 00:19:10,178 --> 00:19:12,007 Cleaned and reorganized. 497 00:19:12,008 --> 00:19:13,033 Well, technically, 498 00:19:13,058 --> 00:19:15,181 "reorganized" implies that it was once organized, 499 00:19:15,206 --> 00:19:16,478 but good job, kiddo. 500 00:19:17,428 --> 00:19:18,927 So good. 501 00:19:18,928 --> 00:19:21,217 It looks great! 502 00:19:21,218 --> 00:19:22,565 How long are we gonna keep this a secret? 503 00:19:22,590 --> 00:19:24,007 Until I go to college. 504 00:19:24,008 --> 00:19:25,427 No, until I go to college. 505 00:19:25,428 --> 00:19:26,467 You're both saying the same thing. 506 00:19:32,178 --> 00:19:34,458 Happy birthday! 507 00:19:34,548 --> 00:19:38,098 From now on, I won't be such a liar. 508 00:19:38,178 --> 00:19:39,638 - Thanks, babe. - Mm-hmm. 509 00:19:40,848 --> 00:19:42,637 Oh. 510 00:19:42,638 --> 00:19:45,157 A coupon for one free intellectual salon. 511 00:19:45,182 --> 00:19:46,704 You can invite all your boring friends. 512 00:19:46,729 --> 00:19:48,048 You can talk about all the crap you want. 513 00:19:48,073 --> 00:19:50,579 - You can wear whatever dumb outfit... - Unh-unh-unh-unh. 514 00:19:50,604 --> 00:19:52,047 You know what? 515 00:19:52,048 --> 00:19:53,307 To Hell with Crissy. 516 00:19:53,308 --> 00:19:55,709 Maybe a healthy marriage is based on lies. 517 00:19:55,734 --> 00:19:58,260 Then ours is the best. 518 00:19:59,712 --> 00:20:00,990 Thanks. 519 00:20:04,508 --> 00:20:06,018 Now that Taylor's left, 520 00:20:06,043 --> 00:20:07,257 the house feels so empty. 521 00:20:07,298 --> 00:20:10,364 But we can finally do what we want with this room! 522 00:20:10,389 --> 00:20:12,771 Let's get rid of this bed and put in a giant hot tub. 523 00:20:13,959 --> 00:20:15,076 What the hell?! 524 00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:17,888 What the hell? 525 00:20:20,008 --> 00:20:22,137 "Dear Mom and Dad, by the time you read this, 526 00:20:22,138 --> 00:20:24,287 the statute of limitations will have run out. 527 00:20:24,312 --> 00:20:26,307 Signed... Taylor, Anna-Kat, and Oliver." 528 00:20:26,308 --> 00:20:27,717 Oh! 529 00:20:27,718 --> 00:20:30,366 That explains why Taylor had books in her room. 530 00:20:31,678 --> 00:20:35,066 Well, this is very troubling. 531 00:20:35,113 --> 00:20:36,127 Mm. 532 00:20:36,152 --> 00:20:38,580 We obviously can't have your salon tonight, Greg. 533 00:20:40,098 --> 00:20:41,511 Then when?! 534 00:20:41,589 --> 00:20:46,589